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Hamerschlag To Be Freed from Carbonite, Have Nose Job

     A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Hamerschlag angered the lords of CMU. He had committed the unspeakable crime of having both a dorm and an academic building named after him, thus making it impossible to tell one from the other. This infuriated the department of the Campus Master Plan, who kept having to draw maps where circles meant the academic buildings and diamonds meant the dorms, and hope that the minions of the campus didn't get confused.

     However, a time came when Hamerschlag wanted to build a parking structure. This was too much for the Master Planners, who couldn't deal with a triangle on their map, as well as the circle and the diamond, and they said, "Enough!" Hamerschlag fled, but the Master Planners put a price on his head, and soon he was caught and brought before the Dark Lord of the Campus Map, who had his body encased in carbonite and placed on display near the entrance to Baker Hall to warn the people against donating too much money to the school.

     However, the dark side of the master plan has been weakening, and Hamerschlag's girlfriend has been making a plea for his life, threatening to blow up the campus if he is not freed. Unfortunately, there are many layers of bureaucracy before Hamerschlag can be released. A spokesperson for this CMU said, "He is really popular with Campus tours, they like to point out where people rub the nose for good luck."

     In addition, there is the issue that in the late sixties, his bust was cut off from the rest of his body to save on space. The spokesperson said, "We wanted his bust to be a little lower on the wall, so we got the bright idea to cut him in half, and we could store the bottom half in case they wanted to revive him later. However," he continued, "the body was promptly lost. We think it might be in a basement somewhere. And half his nose was rubbed off. Oh well."