gym etiquette
I started going to the gym recently so I'll avoid looking like one of the grotesque flesh bags who let themselves go like a trailer park mother after birthing her seventh cow child with water on the brain wandering my hometown by the time winter break rolls around. It's been about a month at this point, and I'm starting to notice a shit ton of things that irritate me about the place.
People who wear their street clothes to the gym. Two weeks ago, I saw some dipshit dressed in a light yellow muscle shirt (more on these later) a few sizes too big for him and some Dockers lifting weights. Not only did he fuck up his clothes, look like a total retard, but he also legitimately smelled like skunk asshole. Honestly, I'd rather have someone with stomach flu have sat on my face and forced me to toss their salad than to have smelled the shit fiesta that guy had probably rolled around in about the same time as he was getting dressed. I'm not even sure that had anything to do as much with his retarded choice of clothing as much as it did with him probably shitting himself. Wonderful.
If you wear a muscle shirt, you should probably just shoot yourself. We don't need to see your HYOOGE BICEPTS to know you mean motherfucking business, we could already have deduced that from the fact that your skin tone naturally occurs only in comatose oompah loompah's who involuntarily hibernate inside tanning beds. You're probably the same kind of asshole that flexes in the mirror when he's not lifting weights. You also probably wear baseball hats. Backwards. You probably grunt too. In which case, you should totally try to mack face with a moving train. It's a gym, douchebag, pick up bimbos elsewhere.
Also, I was eating at this café with a few friends when I overheard some guy talking to this borderline attractive girl. He was telling her some sappy bullshit, but then he started telling her about how he goes to the gym. She totally made the mistake of being interested in his crap and asked him to elaborate further. He then said that he does "bench presses, suicides, and inclines." Wow, that's impressive. Especially considering that two of those require no actual weights whatsoever. Good job, ass wipe, not only did you try to impress a girl by saying that you go to the gym, but you did it totally wrong too. And on top of that, no one really gives a shit if you go to the gym if you're still five foot two and fifty pounds overweight; you're not getting laid no matter how many fake exercises you do.
Finally, get off my exercycle. Right now. There are only two of them at the University Center and that bitch on the left is mine.
hairy legs
If you have abnormally hairy legs, wear pants. Forever.