8-30-03
"Father, this is a great gift you bestow upon me, what the hell do I do with it?"
"The only thing we're afraid of is dark and suck"
"They captured me and gave me this shot gun"

9-5-03
"This <name of Indian food I can't spell> is entirely too salty. This offends and angers me!"

9-7-03
"John, your muscles are so large." "And your eyes so dark." "Ok, let's start the race."
"It's the new Righter Gaurd - the only gaurd for writers."
"Planetarium is a song about love, the gravity between two people."
"Look, there's a table here and yooooouuuuu like it."
"It's just a flesh wound." "But there's no flesh!"

9-14-03
"We do have a way. My god, we do."
"Funny Bunny / Bunney Honey / It comes to me in the night."

9-18-03
"Through knowledge of the cycle of these owls, you can tell, to an accuracy of 8 hours, what time it is."
"It's a shame it was banned in those 37 countries." "Yeah, I wrote to them. I said...37 countries, you have to..."
"Why you gotta keep 'em down?!"
"I shall be known as the nearly limbless dentist."
"I don't think he has any change. He would jingle if he had change."
"Died of poverty."
"Do you have a ticket, ass?"

9-21-03
"You can't have sex with your sister, it's not Alabama." "But I already bought the tickets."
"They can bend you like wheat."
"I sell deluxe toilet paper. What is it...like...wipe your ass?"
"#1, you're a big massive hunk..."

9-30-03
"You're the one sitting there fanning your pretty little ass!"
"We used to play Monopoly together. I was the car, she was the house." - JonAmes
"185 fat, ugly garbage can women walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'Not those Hefty bitches again.'"

10-2-03
"No one flows like I do!" -Ken2
"It was different then. I was sniffing glue and drinking ketchup."
"Hey philipe, Jeanette is actually single, you know. Do you want to kiss her now?"

10-5-03
"The same thing happened to me, but I'm on a steady diet of pain killers now."
"Box naked?" "I wish" -Atom
"Oooh! A spacebar!"
"Sure, the Twinkies survived, but it makes you wonder..."
"I'm a passing scientist, what an interesting phenomenon!"
"I invaded some hot babes" -W. Shatner

10-7-03
"But it's the most popular hamster in school!"

10-9-03
"Sometimes I feel like my girlfriend likes to throw marbles at my head."

10-26-03
"Now I'll be able to use this for means unheard of!"
"Two two touche."
"Pussyfoot. Pussywillow. Willow."
"I don't know what you mean; the Spirit does not excrete."
"She might go bonkers if she found out I did lighting for The Godfather parts I, II, and not III."
"Where's the damn waiter?!? I need a margarita and how."

10-28-03
"Why must I be suffering this insufferable suffering today?"
"You could ride these nuts all the way to Cleveland if you wanted to."

10-30-03
"Things that fall down also cause apocalypses." "Oh no, here come the frogs again!"
"I'm...I'm gonna go eat some bread...that's how good I feel!"
"What about constipation?" "What about amnesia? So you don't remember you're constipated."

11-2-03
"If you're gay that's fine, but I think we should break up either way."

11-4-03
"You know what they say, 'You take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.'"
"Not outward wrestling -- more secretive, conspiracy-like wrestling."
"What do you do for a living?" Jeapordy contestant: "I'm a contestant on a game show."

11-6-03
"The good news is, you don't have cancer anymore." "Good." "The bad news is, you're going to become a bear pretty soon."
"I'm actually waiting for a cab. One of the expensive ones...with hookers."

11-9-03
"Flavor seal your ass."
"Presidential elections are a lot like dog shows. You have to look for things like breed, posture, and a lusterous coat."
"Diarrhea spikes."

11-3-03
"These are tax evasion trees, Johnny."
"Yeah, enlighten that. Bitch."
"Then, they are so impressed by your massive dong, they flee back to the afterlife."
"You actually smacked my bajoobily boo."
"Two Men and a Fetus. Coming to NBC this fall."

11-20-03
"I certainly would have been annoyed if an ocean had fallen into me."