Quotes and Jems

He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
--fortune


Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-- G. K. Chesterton


Everyone talks about apathy, but no one does anything about it.
--fortune


Now that I ewes a spell chucker, I know long her make spelling missed aches!
--JFD@ITS.UCT.AC.ZA


Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels
start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and
then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the
music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.
-- H.S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
-- Robert Heller


"DOS is like a common roach, it may be a low life form, but all attempts to exterminate it will fail"
--Satya, the OS prof:


Virgin; n, adj (ver gin): one who has never been screwed by a hard disk.
--dorktionary


Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
--fortune


"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted
activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy ...
neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
--Fortune Daemon


Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
        I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
        Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
--Fortune Daemon


Sen. Danforth:  "There is nothing on the face of the album which would
                notify you if the record has pornographics material or
                material glorifying violence?"
Tipper Gore:    "No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me."
Frank Zappa:    "I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's
                legs on the album cover is good indication that it's
                not for little Johnny."
                -- The Senate Commerce Committee hearing on rock
                   lyrics, from The Village Voice, 6 Oct 1985
--Fortune Daemon


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain


Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
--Fortune Daemon


There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
--Fortune Daemon


You have a kind and generous soul. Too bad it does not match the rest of you.
--me


This is not a quote, this is a duck. A very quite duck, but a duck still the same. Quack.
--me


Meep! Hork!
--me


It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
-- Voltaire


File .signature is corrupted. Please wipe clean with a moist towelette.
--me


"Acquaintance
n, a person whom we know well enough to borrow money from, but not well enough to lend it to. a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous."


contributing to public confusion, one person at a time.
--me


What's this blue thing doing here?
--They Might be Giants.


To C, or not to C, that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the code to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous syntax
Or to take up LISP amidst a sea of functions
And by debugging, compile them.
--Gootmu


To C, or not to C, that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the code to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous syntax
Or to take up LISP amidst a sea of functions
And by debugging, compile them.
--Gootmu


C, n.:
A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything else. It is either the best language available to the art today, or it isn't.
-- Ray Simard


... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


No, you my not quote me.
--Trish


I never trust a person who has to tell me to trust him.
--Trish


Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
--Fortune


Sleep is a poor subsitute for caffiene.
--me


LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.
--Fortune Daemon


The next time I ask about equipment for my girlfriend's 1980 IBM PC (using exactly those words), and get asked, "Is that a 386 or a 486?" I am going to do my full ceremonial "You are an idiot" dance.
--Ralph Melton


Blah!
--Carrie Schutrick


Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown


sigh. i really have no idea whats going on.
--Connie Deighan


Of course. Every time you drink a cup of coffee you are actually downing a {sagan} of nanomechs, that scuttle through the ematocephalic barrier and start kicking your neurons. After a while their tiny legs wear out, and they disassemble: that's when you have to pee and have another cup of coffee.
--Hear on Zephyr



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